


Damage Control

by ChemCat



Series: Creatures [3]
Category: Ai no Kusabi
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:58:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChemCat/pseuds/ChemCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raoul is one of the Blondies, who knows what rage is; but is he also capable of other feelings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damage Control

“I see.” Raoul’s voice is quiet and tense. “I thought you were rather, how to say it, fond of Iason, weren’t you? Yet you compare him to death?”

“You’ve asked what—whom—whatever, I’ve seen.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why Iason?”

“You’re asking the wrong person, Raoul. It’s your room… I think. It **is** your room, isn’t it? Provided that it leads to **your** library, that is.”

“It is my library, yes. And the room, ah, let’s talk about something else.”

 

The abrupt departure from the subject picks Katze’s curiosity even more, and he turns to look at the Blondie. By now however, Raoul has stepped away from him and is standing by the bookcase, where the light coming through the overhead cupola falls directly over him and illuminates his golden head, engulfing him in a bright halo; the sight takes Katze’s breath away. With his back to the red-head, Raoul can’t see Katze’s expression, but can hear the hitch in his breathing. “Why do you breathe co hard, Katze? Has mention of Iason brought unwelcomed memories?”

“What?”

“Your breathing. It’s changed.” Raoul turns to look at the other man and regards him curiously. Being caught, Katze can feel his cheeks burning; he tries to remember the original subject. “No, it’s nothing. I’m a bit overwhelmed. Anyway, what was that room, Raoul?”

“Why so curious? Don’t you have enough nightmares for one day?”

“Please, I need to know.”

“Drop it. You **don’t** need to know.” There’s a steel edge to Raoul’s voice; a warning that any man less desperate than Katze would do well to follow. “Do you want to know how it felt, Raoul? Have you ever felt anything at all?” The Blondie opens his mouth to answer, but is cut off abruptly. “It was cold there, Raoul. There… there was madness there. I felt like I was drowning, like the darkness was in me, like I was hearing voices that were coming from deep within myself. Myself, understand? Calling me. Taunting me.”

 

As Katze speaks, Raoul keeps looking at him intently, scrutinizing him as if Katze was one of Raoul’s laboratory mice. Then again, maybe he is. Maybe he is nothing more than a disposable research subject, or is he? Finally, maybe because Katze is sharing something so private, or because Raoul is amused by mongrel’s perceptiveness, he decides to be more forthcoming. “You’ve described it well, my little cat. Have you ever heard about a sensory deprivation chamber?”

Annoyed by the moniker, Katze answers tiredly. “I’m not a little cat. Or, at least, I’m not your little cat—”

“Oh, but you are so wrong there, Katze.”

 

The chill runs down Katze’s spine and he’s not sure if it’s because of the dread, hope, or anticipation. When he speaks again, his voice is huskier than before. “Sensory deprivation? You mean like a dark, quiet tank you float in?”

 

Even though Raoul asked the question, the fact that Katze knows the correct answer throws him off guard and makes him consider the red-head with a new admiration. In a different society, this knowledge would have been ordinary, but on Amoi, very few are concerned with that kind of science. After all, androids are perfect and when they’re not, their minds are easy to tamper with; and so are the minds of the lesser forms of life, so why would anyone bother studying them? “Yes, something similar. I’m surprised you know.”

“I read Raoul, I’m pretty sure you can appreciate it. Not the books, mind you, the reading I mean, I don’t own any books, but—”

“Would you like to read real books?”

 

 _Today is full of surprises. Or maybe you’re so forthcoming, because there’s no one around and you can let your hair down, Raoul?_ The reality finally dawns on Katze. _That’s what it is, isn’t it? Your sanctuary. And the other room is there to keep everyone out. This **is** real you, Raoul. Did Iason know?_

 

Armed with his reasoning and letting his guard down, Katze speaks more boldly than he’s ever dared before. “You’re changing the topic.”

 

Alas, even here, the Blondie is not used to being scolded, or talked to in such a habitual way. He quickly strides to Katze and backhands him. “I won’t be told off, or addressed in such a familiar manner; especially, by a mongrel. Don’t ever do this again! Do you understand?”

Taken aback, Katze presses his hand to his, now tender, cheek; the self-preservation instinct kicks back in. “Yes.”

“Good. Now, where were we—right, the sensory deprivation. Sometimes I wonder if it works as it’s supposed to. Although, in your case, your mind was well primed for this kind of environment.”

“You mean the drug you’ve injected me with earlier? That really wasn’t a drug, was it? It did nothing; it was nothing, just—never mind.” As he chances a glimpse in Raoul’s direction, Katze’s voice trails off as the Blondie is staring at him intently. Forgetting that he was just backhanded for the ‘misbehavior’ Katze can’t contain himself “What? That’s true, isn’t it? There was nothing there.”

“No, there wasn’t.” Raoul’s voice is husky and barely audible “Sometime you’re too smart for your own good, Katze.”

“You seem surprised—never mind, why did you do it?” Again, Katze is growing bolder and he doesn’t recognize himself. It’s almost as if all these years of training and humiliation were for naught; as if the curiosity’s won the fight with the self-preservation instinct.

“Curiosity killed the cat, Katze.”

“Lucky me. The room, Raoul.”

Raoul sighs heavily. He weights a decision to discipline the mongrel again, but so far it wasn’t working too well, so he decides to try a different taming technique. “The room is there for two reasons. One, to keep the most of the creatures away from the library—”

“Creatures?”

“Like you, for example. Except, this time it didn’t work too well.”

 

_Oh, believe me, Raoul. It would have worked perfectly. Finding the door was just a stroke of luck._

 

“Obviously. And the other reason?”

“Research. Pure and simple curiosity—”

“The same that killed the cat?” To Katze’s surprise, the Blondie laughs. For some reason, the red-head thought that Raoul’s laughter would be melodious and high, but instead, it is almost nasal and warm baritone. “Well, I would say, Katze, that in this case, it only embarrassed the cat. Wouldn’t you say? You’re particularly resistant to projections, or I should say suggestions of your own subconscious mind. Did you enjoy the stay?”

A sudden change of mood and topic reminds Katze of Raoul’s reputation as a wild and unpredictable being. “You know I didn’t.”

“Rarely anyone does.”

“Anyone? How many have you tortured before?”

“Tortured? I’ve done no such thing. Alas, all of my subjects seem to have particularly bad experiences.”

“Why?”

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” Raoul sits on the arm of the chair, where Katze is curled up. “It seems that the human mind is not well equipped to provide positive feedback when it has no sensory input.”

“I could still touch things—”

“Ah, yes, the shortcomings of a three-dimensional space, I guess. Did it help you though?”

“I found the door.”

“One of them.”

 

Katze regards Blondie with skepticism. “There were more?”

“Let me put it this way, you were extremely lucky to find the door that leads to the library.”

“What’s beyond the other doors?” The red-head is dreading the answer, but he has to know.

“Oh, I’m sure you remember the two mongrels, what were their names? Oh yes, Manon and Kirie.” Raoul snorts in disgust. “They got precisely what they deserved.”

“But the new pets, but…”

Raoul touches the scar on Katze’s cheek. “Still so naïve. It doesn’t suit you.”

“But they… I … no, you’re wrong. There were doors and pets, I saw it on the monitor, I—”

“You saw the projections of their minds.”

“But how?”

“There are ways. Don’t you think we have technology?”

That makes Katze wonder if, at any point, Raoul’s subjected him to this technology. It also brings up another question. “When I was in that room, could you see into my mind, Raoul?” Even as he asks, Katze feels his cheeks burning and he’s not sure if it’s because he’s embarrassed, or because Raoul’s hand still rests on his cheek.

“I wasn’t watching. And if I was, don’t you think I wouldn’t have to ask about what you’d experienced?”

Katze breaths the sigh of relief until Raoul asks his next question. “Would you like me to?”

“Would I want you to what?”

“Look into your mind?”

“No, not particularly.” He realizes that he might have just put an idea into Raoul’s head and starts to breathe a bit heavier again. “There isn’t anything interesting there.”

“I disagree. Your mind is probably one of your most interesting features.”

 

This statement is like a bucket of icy water poured on his head and Katze has to fight hard to hold back tears. _Of course. What else would you want from me, Raoul? But the kiss… your hands… the way you’ve held me. Was it all a lie?_

 

“I guess I do have some redeeming qualities then?”

“Other than being a Black Market broker?”

“Yes, other than that.”

“Well, I have to admit that **this** is the main reason you’re still alive.”

“You were trying hard, to change it though.”

 

When the Blondie leans closer, Katze instinctively presses himself deeper into the chair. Yet another kiss takes him by surprise. When Raoul breaks the kiss, there’s amusement written all over his face. “Whatever happened, you’ve brought it onto yourself by venturing into the room. But if you must know, earlier, I was trying hard **not** to kill you, Katze. Rather, I think I am quite fond of you.” Concentrating on Blondie’s words is hard, especially when one of Raoul’s’ hands winds its way sinuously up Katze’s thigh. “Raoul?” Katze’s voice is just a low and sad whisper now. “There’s nothing there.”

“Is it any less pleasurable then?”

“I lack… ahhh, the comparison, so… I wouldn’t know.”

 

Raoul pushes off of the chair and stands directly in front of Katze – all bodily contact severed. “Would you like to?”

“Would I like to what?”

“Know how it feels.”

“I’m afraid a description may not do it justice.”

“Description?” Raoul’s expression is puzzled.

“Weren’t you about to describe to me how it feels?”

“Why would I do that?”

 

It finally strikes Katze how ridiculous this would be. “Sorry, I just thought… never mind. I’ll never know.”

 

When Raoul leans into him again, his touch on Katze’s thigh is more forceful now. “How can you be so sure?”

 

Staring into Blondie’s eyes, realization slowly downs on Katze. Raoul’s words come back to him. ‘ _Do you want to grow wings? I could give you a pair. I could probably give you some other things as well_.’

 

“Why would you do that, Raoul?”

“Curiosity.”

 

Katze wants to argue, ask more questions, but another kiss silences him effectively. Through the haze of his own confusion, he hears Raoul’s voice. “I don’t care anymore how damaged you are.” And for the first time in years, Katze feels worth something, yet his words surprise even him, “Then why do you want to change me, Raoul?”

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I do apologize for the long lapse between chapters! Thank you for sticking with the story!
> 
> Also, if you see any mistake(s), please let me know so that I can fix it.


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